Ed Sheeran felt "really embarrassed" having suicidal thoughts following his best friend Jamal Edwards's death.
In a cover interview with Rolling Stone, the Shape of You singer revealed February 2022 was the worst month of his entire life due to the death of his best pal, a copyright lawsuit, and his wife Cherry Seaborn being diagnosed with a tumour during pregnancy.
Ed, who "had always had real lows" in his life, found himself in the latest bout of what he quietly knew to be depression, but experienced new thoughts creeping in.
"I felt like I didn't want to live anymore," he said. "And I have had that throughout my life... You're under the waves drowning. You're just sort of in this thing. And you can't get out of it."
The 32-year-old felt shame for having such "selfish" thoughts because he is a father.
"I feel really embarrassed about it," he continued.
Cherry was diagnosed with the tumour when she was six months pregnant with their second child. After delivering their daughter Jupiter in May, she successfully underwent surgery. Ed also won his copyright trial in April.
Cherry, who also shares two-year-old Lyra with Ed, told the singer he needed help and he started seeing a therapist.
"No one really talks about their feelings where I come from," he shared. "People think it's weird getting a therapist in England... I think it's very helpful to be able to speak with someone and just vent and not feel guilty about venting. Obviously, like, I've lived a very privileged life. So my friends would always look at me like, 'Oh, it's not that bad.'"
He added, "The help isn't a button that is pressed, where you're automatically OK. It is something that will always be there and just has to be managed."
Ed also turned to songwriting to channel his feelings and these songs will appear on his upcoming album - (Subtract).
