03 December 2019
Newsdesk
The 32-year-old singer has admitted she struggled with fame during the early days of her career, and thought she needed to rely on booze to make herself seem “a bit more funny” and “crazy” during interviews, because she didn’t think she was “good enough” without it.
She said: “I had to be a fake person to deal with the surreal situation I was in.
“Usually for me it involved alcohol. I assumed I couldn’t be good enough, smart, funny, or crazy enough to be with certain people without it.”
The ‘Burn’ singer even used to drink before appearing on BBC Radio 1’s Live Lounge, because she was so nervous about performing live on the radio.
She added: “Live Lounges used to be most nerve-wracking, I even drank before those, I swear to God.
“I would say, ‘Right, I’ve got to drink this morning because I’ve got this interview and I don’t really know how to answer the questions, because I don’t really know who I am any more’.
“I thought drinking would at least make me a bit more funny, or interesting.
“I wasn’t an alcoholic. I could go months without a drink too.”
And Ellie - who is now married to Caspar Jopling - has said her love life at the time, which saw her date DJ Greg James and McFly’s Dougie Poynter, was just as confusing.
She explained during an appearance on Fearne Cotton’s ‘Happy Place’ podcast: “I didn’t know who I was. I was in relationships but I felt like I needed to have someone because I wasn’t close to my family.
“I had this job taking me around the world, that was forcing me to be in the spotlight every day, to be talked about, so I always needed someone. But I wasn’t really me. So anyone I was close to, I don’t want to say it wasn’t real, but it wasn’t what it should have been. I regret that, but it was my survival.”
