The 18-year-old pop superstar has opened up about the suicidal thoughts she experienced during her depression battle and admitted she "genuinely" didn't think she would make it to her 17th birthday in December 2018. Buy tickets below.
Speaking to Gayle King on 'The Gayle King Grammy Special', which aired on CBS on Thursday (23.01.20), Billie said: "I was so unhappy last year. I was so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless. I genuinely didn't think I would make it to 17."
Billie explained that the lyric, 'I wanna end me', on her mega-hit 'bury a friend' is referring to the moment when she considered ending her life by jumping out of the window of her Berlin hotel room.
When the host asked if that was something she contemplated, she replied: "Yeah. I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel, and I remember there was a window right there. I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it."
Billie added that she didn't go through with it because she thought of her mother, screenwriter Maggie Baird.
Asked why she stopped herself, she said: "My mom."
The 'my strange addiction' hitmaker - who is nominated for a total of six Grammys at the upcoming ceremony - sought therapy for her mental health issues and she wants to make sure her fans don't go through a similar situation.
She said: "I just grab [the fans] by the shoulders and I'm like, 'Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself. "Don't take that extra step and hurt yourself further."
The 'bad guy' hitmaker - who battled clinical depression for two years - recently revealed her mental health has improved greatly over the last couple of years and she is now at a point where she's "finally OK".
Billie - who will be singing the theme song to new James Bond film 'No Time To Die' - said: "Two years ago, I felt like nothing mattered; every single thing was pointless. Not just in my life, but everything in the whole world. I was fully clinically depressed. It's insane to look back and not be anymore. It hurt me to see that [people thought I faked it for attention]. I was a 16-year-old girl who was really unstable. I'm in the happiest place of my life, and I didn't think that I would even make it to this age. I haven't been happy for years. I didn't think I would be happy again. And here I am - I've gotten to a point where I'm finally okay. It's not because I'm famous. It's not because I have a little more money. It's so many different things: growing up, people coming into your life, certain people leaving your life."
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